Monday, June 3, 2013

If You Are Tired Of Buying Dad A New Tie.. (Gift Ideas For The Nerdy Dad)

 

 

Running out of ideas for what to get Dad this year? 

Take a look at what I wouldn't mind unwrapping on Fathers Day.

 

 

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  1. Star Wars Han Solo In Carbonite Ice Cube Maker

    This AWESOME ice cube tray from ThinkGeek is perfect for the Star Wars fan in a galaxy near you. Nothing caps off an evening quite like bourbon chilling on a nice slab o' futuristic coldness.


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    2.

    Duracell myGrid Charging System

    If you are like me, and you have a lot of mobile devices, this charging pad (found at Amazon) can remove the frustration of keeping track of multiple charging cables. And the ability to simply set your device on the charging pad is extremely convenient.

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    3.

    OtterBox Defender Series Phone Case

    OK, if you have kids, or if you are prone to dropping your phone on hard surfaces (both apply to myself) then you really need one of these thingamabobs. My old Iphone was protected by one of these, and it survived many a meeting with the pavement. Now if only I had put one on my Galaxy before I dropped it that first time....
    Found in a multitude of colors directly at OtterBox's Website, or your favorite online retailer.


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    4.

    Wireless Earbuds

    Some of us really, really enjoy our music, and if you tend to listen to your favorite tracks while doing things around the house or at the gym, wireless is the way to go. Few things are as annoying as getting the cord from your earbuds caught on a doorknob or a preacher curl machine. These Sony XBA-BT75's will set you back about $150 at Rakuten, but who says you have to go for top dollar, or even name brand earbuds?

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    5.

    Digital All-In-One Remote

    OK, so these things can get pricey if you go super fancy, but this Logitech 915 can be had for as little as $95 at AztekComputers. These remotes can control ALL of your devices, including turning  your Xbox 360 or PS3 on and off.  My brother in law has a Logitech Harmony One, and it instills a deep feeling of Do Want whenever I use it.


    So there you have it, if you needed some ideas for the nerdy Dad in your life, these might just help.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Poop? Yes, Poop, Everywhere

#3 shared the contents of his diaper with the wall recently (and a turkey baster, don't ask, I don't know why) and it got me thinking...

What goes through a child's mind as poop is being turned into a modern work of art?

And this kid is definitely getting potty trained this summer. ___________________________________________

I imagine it goes something like this:

"I have poop in my diaper."

"I don't want poop in my diaper."

"How much poop is in there? I should check."


The child then proceeds to stick a hand down the back of the diaper to check on the load size.


"That's a lot of poop..."

"POOP! I have poop on my hand! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"


At this point the child notices a handy piece of furniture, or a clean, blank wall space.


"That will get the poop off of me."


The child then proceeds to smear toxic sludge everywhere.


"Yay! No poop on my hand!"


Bodily waste safely removed from the affected appendage, the child moves on to more important matters.

 "I think that's a cheeto on the floor..."


Saturday, June 1, 2013

But Daaaadddy! And Chicken Pox

These words echo through the house as Minion #1 is told that her TV time for the day has come to an end.


The wailing and gnashing of teeth had begun.

"Go play outside, or go use your art supplies, or go play in your room, or go play in the other room, just go do anything besides sit in front of the TV."

"But daddy! There isn't ANYTHING else to do!"

"Nothing? Nothing at all? So I can give away all those toys and pens and pencils and giant pads of paper, because you don't want them anymore?"

"NO! I didn't say that!"

"Oh, I must have just misheard you then. Please go find something to do, or you can help me wash dishes."

"Fine, but I won't like it at all."

And with that, Minion #1 trudged off in search of something to do besides look at flashing lights on a screen. It wasn't long before she decided that riding bikes with Minion #2 was much more enjoyable than sitting on the couch and making pitiful little whining sounds whenever I walked by. Minion #3 wasn't fazed by the verbal fisticuffs taking place around him, he had a pile of Spiderman figurines that had villains to vanquish. Those baddies weren't going to kick their own butts, were they? He had his priorities, and he was sticking to them.






Summer vacation for Minion #1 starts in two weeks, and I am not sure how we are going to handle it. Not needing to drive her back and forth to school will be a nice change of pace, but finding things to fill the time that she would normally spend at school will require a bit of imagination.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that we are not looking forward to having her home during normal school hours, that is not the case at all. The real worry is that with all the extra time on her hands, she will get bored quickly, and when kids get bored...

They draw pretty princess castles on bedroom walls.


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Of Chicken Pox

Just a few moments ago, literally, #1 came up and said that she had something to show me, and it was an emergency!

Oh. Joy.
"Look at these red bumps on my arm! I'm getting chicken pox's all over my arm!"

"Um, those just look like bites from sand fleas."

"No, I know I'm right, I must have touched a sick chicken."

"There are no chickens around here, I think its just from bugs in the sand outside."

"Nah, when I go to the doctor, mommy will say I was right."





And with that, she walked back outside, the sudden plague seemingly already forgotten.



Tuesday, March 26, 2013

It's So Quiet In Here....

Wow, it has been close to four months since I last logged in and wrote anything...

It's been a really long year so far.

Lot's of changes are coming to the Destructo household, some good, some bad. In January I was reminded that Life does not always go exactly as you think it will, and all you can do is pick up the pieces and write a new story with what you have learned. 

I will return to mashing keys and blasting my thoughts out into the Internet, but the subject matter may change just a little bit. I have missed sitting here and spilling my brain onto the interwebz, yet every time I have sat down at the computer to write, I ended up not knowing where to start.

So in the coming weeks I will be cleaning out the blog and dusting off the cobwebs, hopefully some of you are still around to read what leaks out of my brain pan.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A Day In The Life (Comic)

Ode To Parenthood

Oh pee soaked sheets, oh smelly feet! Why doth kids be so picky when they eat?

My children run in the street, there are footprints on my toilet seat.

The TV is full of fingerprints, the dog is covered in something that smells like mint.

In public my child announces toots, I found Duplo blocks in my boots.

I get no privacy in the bathroom stall, my toddler writes on his bedroom wall.

You clean a room, then it gets wrecked. Methinks my blood pressure must be checked.

There is great joy in collecting ants, my kid just took off his underpants.

My boys like telling me whats hot, my daughter sometimes sleeps with rocks.

We eat lunch, then ask whats for dinner, in the league of whining, my kids are winners.

I really wish you didn't want to talk, while mommy and daddy's door is locked.

Putting band-aids on pretend owies, sometimes I dream of days in Maui.

Stubbing toes and bonking heads, please kid, sleep all night in your own bed.

While all of the above is pretty much true, don't worry, we will always love you.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Swiper, No Swiping!

As I sit here typing, I can hear the melodious lines from Dora the Explorer floating in from the next room...

If only it was as entertaining as this:


Even though my oldest is 5 going on 6, she still likes this show, and the boys will watch it when the mood strikes. That being said, you can only hear the Backpack Song about 15,814 times before you start dreaming about introducing Backpack to the wood chipper. 

He's always got the munchies

And don't even get me started on that Map guy, I'm pretty sure he buys his info from Latin drug cartels, and plays both sides of the espionage game. It is only a matter of time before his double agent ways put him on the wrong end of a crisscross cut paper shredder.

We know who you are, but who do you work for?

I'm pretty sure Swiper works for the TSA, he is not very good at keeping himself out of sight when planning a heist, and that mask kind of gives his intentions away, kind of like the airport blue shirts that pull you aside for a "random" security check. 
Not exactly Oceans 11 material

"Sir, if you would stand behind this curtain, and then disrobe, we are doing a random invasive security sweep and you got selected".

"We have called in Special Agent Swiper for this task, since he is always wearing his nitrile gloves. Please stand still..."


Oh boy...


Currently, Dora and Co are busy helping Blue Train rebuild his missing train tracks. I had no idea that Dora already completed her studies in railway engineering. 

I feel like I should be designing ships for space flight if she is this good at 6 years old.

 
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I can't wait until we get back to watching Spiderman and his AMAZING Friends! 


While the characters lines may be stilted and corny, at least I don't have to hear Iceman ask questions such as this:
 "Where is Dr. Doom? Do you see him?"

"Kingpin is trying to become a hostile dictator? Saaaay Kingpin! No world domination!"

I don't despise Dora, but sometimes even my oldest asks why they wait so long to talk after asking a question. And while she is figuring out how to get to Big Mountain, our youngest is yelling "BLUE!" as the answer to every question.

Yes Spiderman,

He is.

And he is hiding behind the big tree.